You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
