it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
