Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
