U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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