During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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