Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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