So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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