His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize