Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
