i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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