From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Farmville is her only friend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You made out with two different species that night
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
