when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize