Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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