never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
