The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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