It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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