Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
