omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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