you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
