if i can run in heels then i can drive
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
