Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
