so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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