It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
