Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
