Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
