dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
