also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
