I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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