He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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