Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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