I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
