It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The beer is more important than you right now.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
