He asked to "fluff my boner.."
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
