Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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