I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
