he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
