I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize