Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize