I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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