I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
