I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
