jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
