tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
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We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.