Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.