a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.