well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
