Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
