I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
