areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
