I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
