I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
