i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
