Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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