I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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