Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
