Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
