i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
