How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
FUCK WHALES
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
