I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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