I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
