3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
