dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize