you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize