he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
