i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
